It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
