i just wanna soil my oats bro
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
