the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
