WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
