Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
the raccoons are back...
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