and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
