it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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