I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
