hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
