I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
