He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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