dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
