i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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