eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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