it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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