Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
