i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
