Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
