my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
