My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
is that a dick in a sweater?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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