you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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