I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
