bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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