Acid is not a monday night drug
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
