kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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