Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
