Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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