I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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