Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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