so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
