Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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