Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
