I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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