the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
