chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
