I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you win again, gameday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
