im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
