Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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