ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
