sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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