Soap is not a condiment
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
