Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
