remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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