Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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