im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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