So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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