And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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