Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
