Ketchup is God's man juice
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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