If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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