you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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