Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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