i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
