I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize