Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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