Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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