someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize