have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
