we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
