im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
