She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
