I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
